This is a model for an inside-out framework for building networks that accrue in value over the long term. The key word for me here is authenticity. How do you build networks that have authenticity at their core?

To start, focus on two questions:

· Who you bring into network?

· Who are you, as the networker, being?

Then ask yourself how to effectively communicate your vision and values to create deep, meaningful relationships to tell your story?

Make building your core a priority.

The best analogy that I can think of is physical fitness. If you think of your core in physical fitness, it's the muscles that provide this sturdy central link that connects the upper body and the lower body. And whether you're hitting a tennis ball, or you're cleaning windows, or running, or whatever it is you're doing, all the motion originates in the core, and moves through the core. And there is actually some science behind what I think I've discovered, as I've been thinking through what a framework for how we think about building your core from a networking perspective.

In network theory, those that are familiar will know about Metcalfe's Law, which basically says that your network value increases in proportion to the number of nodes in that network. The second power of the number of nodes in that network. So the more nodes you have in the network, the more valuable it will be. T

he second law, or piece of research that's been done, is more anthropological. And it's to do with the size of our brain. Because of our brain size, we're actually unable to hold that many people close to us. And there's a cognitive limit. When we reach about 150 relationships, we tap out.

Our brain just cannot handle it. There is some ways computers are helping us now to be able to tap into different networks beyond the 150. But there is a cognitive limit. There's some other research that's been done that says the weak ties in your network are important. And to me, those three things say the quality of what's happening at the core really, really determines the overall value of the network. If what's happening at the core is weak, that 'n' squared will be valuable, but not as valuable as somebody who has a stronger network. And by the time you get to the cognitive limit, somebody who has a strong core will have a much more powerful network than somebody who doesn't because they've built the strength right from the beginning, not from a place of weakness.

So how do we actually do this?

I believe it starts with making the invisible, visible. And I'll explain what that means. Basically, the more inside work we do, the more clearly we can communicate our values, our mission, our vision to others, the easier it becomes to attract other people into our world. And remember, a lot of our communication is nonverbal. So people pick up on our communication before we've even said a word. So the core work is really important for making that communication super valuable.

I believe there are three kinds of networkers.

• The first one is the grafter. The grafter has not done the internal work. They tend to be approaching networking situations masked because they're putting on an appearance or persona front. They're typically inside suffering with impostor syndrome, something that I have suffered with myself, less so now but definitely have in the past. They feel like life is happening to them. They take the victim posture.
• The person who has done the work, I called the gifted. They're resourceful, they're magnetic, they're synergistic. They seem like a natural in doing this work of networking, you probably know somebody like that.
• And the third one is what I call the genius. They're charismatic, they have presence, they have absolute grace in what they do, they're at the top of their game and they know it, and people flock to them. And I believe they have done the most work on themselves to get to that place

So I'll run you through what I put together as this framework to delve a little bit into what this inner work might look like. The grafter is unconsciously incompetent. So, they don't know what's holding them back, and they don't know that it's holding them back. They're typically led by the shadow if you're familiar with shadow work. The strongest voice inside you is your six- or seven-year-old self that is trying to protect you from something that could be harmful. But that story is no longer helpful for you. Going forward and doing the shadow work, which is about shining a light on that and making it visible, is what allows you to start moving into the conscious competence and aligning with your natural gifts, relating to people as you and not as somebody else. So when you're a grafter, you're typically unsure, doubtful, networking situations feel hard. Some of it is due to a natural personality. I'm an introvert, so I'd feel that lack of comfort when I'm in large networking situations, but as I've understood myself more, I've also understood how I can show up as myself, how I don't sabotage myself in terms of how I relate to other people. And I feel for the grafter, the biggest thing is that there's an upper limit on what they can do, because that little boy or girl is full of either shame, fear, maybe has a scarcity mentality, feels unworthy to be in the rooms that they're in. So he created this upper limit that's imposed from within and not from without. And to move from that is to start to shine a light on those shadow characteristics. And that's what allows the grafter to become the gifted.

By the time that somebody is the genius, all this is now unconscious competence. They do it without thinking, they're as natural as you can be doing this kind of thing. That comes from going inside, learning how to understand what was happening that they could change. To get there, I believe coaching is important, and perhaps therapy. Because it's unconscious incompetence, often we do not see what we need to deal with. So I actually took a coach on that was super helpful for me to get to the source of some of the things that were holding me back in terms of how I relate with people.. Being able to do what I do, building all these different networks. There's a lot more that we can go into.

Building your infinite network. It's about building your core net cash flow or Dunbar's number. They basically imply that a strong core is your net worth, which is a strong network is limited in size. That can be super, super valuable. And it's very similar to physical fitness. With building your core allows more stability and flexibility to do lots of things. Making the invisible visible is the core of this methodology.

Getting into the flow of conversation to a flow of opportunities. That can be slow. And it can be accelerated by coaching or therapy if that's what's needed. And that helps build that core stability and flexibility for your networking.