Abstracted from Paru's Masterclass with the WIE Suite
It turns out my father is a clinical narcissist. He has an ego the size of the world. These aren't observations, these are facts. He is also a misogynist who believes that women are there to serve men. And I was tasked from the age of four on how to navigate that life and how to communicate in a way that would get me seen and heard and get me what I wanted and needed, without poking the bear. Also, English is not his first language, so unless I could say what it is I needed, he had a very short fuse and attention span. Unless I could say what was necessary in a very quick way, in a simple way that he understood, the answer was no. Also culturally, growing up in the 70s and 80s as an Indian woman or girl in Britain, what was very common is that we were told who to be and how to be. Having been encouraged to be who I wanted to be wasn't a thing.
It was around the age of 14, 15, that I started my journey of self-discovery. I was very interested in body language, talk language, psychology, human behavior. I was always very good at spotting patterns. And it turns out that when I started in the corporate world, the skill that I had learned in communication and managing personalities like my dad, and being self-aware, served me very well.
In my mid 20s, I was put on very high profile projects. I worked for British Airways on the management side. I was put on very high-profile projects and was actually tapped on the shoulder frequently to manage large projects with up to 150 people sometimes, from senior management C-Suite to frontline staff, to get done what no one else could or to influence stakeholders to do things they didn't want to do. I'm here to help you do the same.
I've been in training for this since the age of four. To be a leader, there's a lot of responsibility to be a leader. But here's the thing. We're still human beings, and we're human beings before we're leaders. The difference is that there is more at stake as a leader, because you're being followed, and you're responsible for a team and people. But remember, first and foremost, you're still human. And by that, I mean, you're not a piece of furniture. There are dynamics involved, there are emotions involved, there are variables involved. There isn't a one size fits all either. You're you.
We all have different communication styles because we are all different. We come from different backgrounds, have different histories, experiences and personalities that we bring to the table that impacts the way we communicate. We even have trauma, which whether we admit them or not, or recognize them or not. All of that impacts the way we communicate today.
I'm pretty sure all of you on this call are familiar with Simon Sinek, the Golden Circle, and Start With Why. It's excellent. If you haven't watched it, it is absolutely excellent. It applies very well to products. It applies very well to companies. The thing is, sorry not sorry, Simon, it doesn't apply to people so well. By that I mean, although why is important, I don't believe we should start with why. We need to start with who.
Who are we? Who are you?
Values are the basis to figure that out. You see it on LinkedIn all the time with a lot of rah rah rah about know your values, know your values, here are the top 10. Brene Brown has done this, Adam Grant has done this. No one really goes into the depth as to how to figure that out. I'm going to be helping you with this later in this presentation. Also, it's not just about values. There's so much more you need to know about who you are to be able to be a good leader. So if you're here to sound like other leaders that you know, I'm here to tell you, you're not them. And I'm not here to make you sound like them. I'm here to bring out the real you and bring out the leadership qualities that you have to be the best leader you can be and want to be. I'm here to help you inspire your audience to take action. Do something, think something, feel something, say something. Although we're going to be spending a lot of time making it about you and who you are, here's the secret. It's not just about you. It's also about your audience. You have to take that into account.
Everyone is thinking about themselves. I'm not kidding you. And I don't mean this in a selfish way. But they're always thinking about, what they're going to have for dinner, or have they been to the gym yet. Do they look okay? Do they sound okay? Very rarely are you speaking to someone who's 100% present on you. And right now, I can guarantee you 90% of you are multitasking and not listening to everything I'm saying. Everyone is all so busy. Everyone's trying to do a million things. And FOMO is real. Know that you need to be able to capture their attention. Also know, when you're speaking to people, they're not psychic, they don't know what you're thinking. I mean, of course, unless they're really psychic. But the chances are, they're not psychic, and they don't know what you're thinking so you have to be clear about what you're saying to represent what you're thinking. Also, because of all the above, they likely don't have the mental bandwidth to listen to everything the way you want them to. And they're often thinking about what they're going to say back. They can't decode what you're saying.
Please keep it simple. Make whatever it is you're communicating, whatever methodology you're using, whether it's email, or on a zoom call, or in a group meeting, make what you're saying as easy for them to understand as possible. Know that your audience are always in survival mode. Remember back when our ancestors were cavemen, cave women, and there was a saber tooth tiger that they were trying to save themselves from? That saber toothed tiger exists today. However, the 2023 version of that will show up as one or more of these questions. When you're speaking to them, they will be thinking, what does that mean for me? What's in it for me? What are you thinking, like really thinking? And why is this even important or relevant? Why are you telling me this, and what's at stake if I listened versus don't listen. And if I don't understand, am I able to actually interrupt you and ask you a question? How much do I even have to care about this? And what's your point? What your audience will take away from what you're saying is not everything you said, because they're busy thinking about all those survival questions. But they will take away how they felt about what you said. So words do matter. Be very specific about the words you choose.
For more check out the Masterclass, here.
More about Paru:
Born into an Indian, entrepreneurial family in England, Paru faced constant challenges that molded her into a fearless conflict resolver. That, combined with her extensive experience over the past 25 years of her career working across different industries, functions, countries, and cultures as an employee and a consultant, Paru has gained invaluable insights into how to read the room efficiently and in between the lines to effectively communicate with and motivate diverse personalities to get results that exceed most people’s expectations.
Paru firmly believes in the power of identifying and owning who you are at your core and combining that with logic, strategy, and nuanced language to navigate challenging environments, specific incidents, demands, and expectations to get the short-term and long-term results her clients want.
She has worked with executives from various organizations such as British Airways, King and Spalding, Stroock, Paramount, Indeed, Vornado, Square, Planned Parenthood, and many CEOs of VC-backed start- ups. As an Executive Strategist, her style is highly customized to each client’s unique needs. She is a pragmatic optimist, ruthlessly compassionate, and exceptionally candid.
Paru has a rare talent for communicating brutal truths in a kind and authentic way, helping clients gain clarity, confidence, and relief from stress. Clients consistently thank her for her ability to quickly get to the root of their problems and provide clear insight and sound guidance based on real-world experience.
